It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
