Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
