guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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