no, he came in my armpit
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
