One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
