I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
