Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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