I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
