I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
