he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize