I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
