Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
