do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm like, not good at living.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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