I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
