no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
