My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
