Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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