mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
