"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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