Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
