i wish my penis had a tongue
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
