I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
