I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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