i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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