Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize