i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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