Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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