I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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