he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
