take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
