so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
