try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
