my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
