Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
