Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
