My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
