Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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