i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
