She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
this hospital has no fireball
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
