its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
