everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
