i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
