I just saw a hot homeless man
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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