Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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