then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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