Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
