Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
