You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
