textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
