i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
should my penis look like a turkey
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize