i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
