dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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