a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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