2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
