i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
