He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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