there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
there is glitter all over my balls
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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