I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
