Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
