Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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