What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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