when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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