So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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