My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
