and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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