You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
