Welp...herpes.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
