But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
