I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
