I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
