Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
